I’m such a private person. I could probably blog here every day for the next 65 days and none of you would really know anything about me (the one with the wheat berries, you’d say). Well, it’s been a really bad day here and I’m going to blog it out because that’s how we’re supposed to do this, right?
My husband and I are trying to adopt a baby. I’ve been trying to be a mom for 10 years. This morning at 9:30 we got a call that a baby was born yesterday and the birth mom was making an adoption plan. He would be ready to leave the hospital tomorrow. We agreed to put ourselves forward for this case and 6 couples were profiled. We found out at 1:30 that we were not selected. For the 4 hours in between I fantasized that that baby would be ours to raise and love. I am absolutely devastated.
I know that another great couple will become a family and I don’t begrudge them that joy. I know that there will be another baby – a baby we are meant to parent. Knowing those things isn’t making me feel one bit better. I really thought this was it.
And so how on earth is this related to PCP? How is it not? Right now I want a big glass of wine (I actually want half a bottle of wine) (or more) and I want to eat the foods that give me comfort and I want to crawl into a hole and cry until I have nothing left. And then I want to sleep for 3 days.
Oh god Erin I am so sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe desire to be a mother its completely overwhelming.
Take the time to mourn this. Sometimes people are quick to say cheer up, it will happen for you and so on. You have suffered a loss and you need to go through that. It has everything to do with the PCP. The PCP is to me is not just about being your physical best self but making your whole life better and how your health weaves together with your mental and emotional wellness. I can't give you any suggestion to replace that wine or comfort food.
I don't know you, but I will be thinking of you.
Best,
NIcole
Sucky sucky sucky. Really sorry to hear this and thanks for your bravery and openness. Sending you lots of good vibes....
ReplyDeleteYou might find some refuge in the rhythms and pains of the workout! Way to blog it out, keep sharing we've got your back!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. How utterly wretched. Hope that the time it takes to PCP is a little distracting for you--just enough to take the despair out.
ReplyDeleteErin, thank you very much for sharing - part of PCP that attracted me was to see everyone's *personal* growth as well as their physical growth.
ReplyDeleteI can deeply empathize with your absolute excitement and your crushing loss. There is no solution except time and hope for the future.
Again, thank you for sharing and I hope that despite the pain, you were able to keep control over your urges, giving you that extra growth mark.
Erin I am so sad to hear of this, I know what you are going through, not the same but similer. work out the feeling into a workout, love from all of us....
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot everybody for your kind words and support. You have reinforced that my decision to share was the right one.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think Nicole nails it. PCP for me isn't about getting great abs (although it will be awesome when that happens), it's about building a better me, a me that makes better choices and has a better perspective on life.
ReplyDeleteAlthough what you want to do is down a bottle of wine, what will ultimately make you feel better is doing your workout, knowing that you (and not just your body) are getting better as you do it.
The other thing I want to say, without getting too personal, is thanks for sharing with us, and while it's obvious everyone here has your back, you need to make it very clear to your husband too just how much you're hurting. Chances are he's hurting just as bad, and it will be that communication that gets you through together.
Oh, my husband and I are quite a team in this journey!
ReplyDeleteI just now am catching up on the blogs. I am so very sorry. I can't imagine what this feels like for you or your husband. We don't know each other, really, but whatever I can do for you to help, I will.
ReplyDelete