*sigh*

First, thanks everybody for your congratulations. Simon and I are really loving our little man!

Between 12:30 and 3 this morning I had an email chat with Patrick. Perhaps the time reference will tell you where this is headed. He had the sense to ask me how my PCP was going now that I have a baby. My answer: not well.  

I’m sure it’s pretty obvious to everyone that having a newborn baby is not conducive to the kind of rigorous eating, exercising, and sleeping schedule required by the PCP. Add to that a last minute placement to a couple who owned not one single thing required to actually have and care for a baby, and you have a few days of utter chaos. I ate well enough to start but my anxiety and nervous energy (followed by a weekend of sporadic eating) has caused me to lose seven pounds in the last week. I feel like all of my hard PCP work is being undone!

The thing is, I sleep in spurts, I’m exhausted, and I just can’t give it all I’ve got. As Patrick said, why risk getting sick and why bother trying to do both jobs half-ass when I should really be working on doing one job really well. That job, of course, is motherhood.

So, Patrick’s going to include me on the emails so I can follow along, but I’m going to step off the team and over to the cheering section. I’ll be watching, reading, and commenting. And I’ll be jumping rope and doing 8-minute abs on the days that I feel rested.

Go Cookie Monsters and Team Orange Crush!!  You all are doing amazing! You’re almost there. Work hard. You can take my workouts and divide them evenly among you all, which means kick it up a notch to the end.

Patrick and Chen, thanks. I really love what you’re doing here! Even in 60 days, I have new habits that will be hard to break.

Rock on.

Vincent

Has arrived.



So I've been a little distracted.

He was born on Tuesday. We were told of him on Wednesday. We met him on Thursday. We adopted him on Friday. And today, on Saturday, we brought him home.

I'm not leaving you and I plan on graduating with my class in 30 days. But my goal for greater "flexibility" has just taken on an entirely new meaning. I've jumped rope everyday and only missed one strength session - yesterday's. I'm eating as much as I can. My stomach's been a little topsy-turvy to say the least. I'm reading all your blogs and I just haven't made the time yet to comment, but I will.

Let's just say for the next 30 days I'm going to do what I can.

But tonight I'm just gonna love this guy.

Day 55 - Just thinking...

I haven't chewed a piece of gum in 55 days.

Day 54 - Indulgence #2

I indulged last night.

I had my homemade veggie lasagna, a slice of bread with no butter (it was garlic loaf with some salty garlic butter on the top crust) and a glass of wine. I realized that my dinner wasn't going to include any protein, so I ate eight shrimp (which I know to be the right weight) and "indulged" in a little cocktail sauce on the side. For my evening snack, instead of fruit, I had a slice of whole wheat bread with a little peanut butter.

Was that really an indulgence? It's what I really wanted, so I guess so.

Here's the thing. I find the indulgences a little hard to tackle. I think if I were on the apple and egg white dinner plan, I could "indulge" in a meal. But my dinner is pretty big as it is. And I don't eat fast food, or much junk food really, so I wasn't really going to get a Big Mac just to see what it felt like. I know what it feels like and that's why I haven't eaten at McDonald's in 5.5 years. I knew that if I ate something sweet it would pretty much only be something I made myself, but I would have wanted one cookie and been stuck with another dozen-plus.

So, I don't know. I just decided to "enhance" my meal. Lasagna with cheese. I don't use cheese at all now. Not even a sprinkle. But to be honest there wasn't much cheese on top and only some cottage cheese IN the lasagna. The sauce was veggie-heavy and totally PCP. In fact, I decided to have it for dinner again tonight, only I had a few extra raw veggies on the side.

I felt great after I ate everything last night. I felt great this morning and didn't regret any of my choices.

In summary, I would say my indulgence was a good one. What actually felt like the biggest indulgence was that I didn't weigh my supper. I just served it and ate it.

I feel like maybe there's some great lesson to the indulgence that I'm not learning because I didn't eat a plate of greasy fries. But I don't want greasy fries. I think for indulgence #3 we will be traveling so I will at least have that one in a restaurant. Maybe a really good curry.

Mental toughness

Two posts in one day. This can't wait until tomorrow.

I will admit that for most of my life I've been a skinny weakling. Sometimes stronger than others but never really STRONG. And my weakest "muscle" has always been my mental toughness muscle. Or is that a tendon? I forget. Anyway, a few days ago I did two of the four 60-second planks without taking a break, but couldn't do the other two without putting my knees down "just for a second".

Today, I did the first 60-second plank without needing a break. Then I thought, "Fuck you, planks! You can't beat me today!" I did all four without breaking form. I kept thinking "what's the worst thing that will happen to me if I hold it for all 60 seconds? It will hurt?"

I feel like I broke through a mental barrier. For today anyway. I decided after the first one that I would do them ALL no matter what, just so I could tell you all that I did them. And if I can, we all can.

Day 51 - Toast toppers and indulgence dreaming

What's good on toast? Ripe avocado smashed up - check. Tomatoes - check. Any other great ideas out there? I don't want to eat toast that looks like this:

Looks kind of dry...

Am thinking about my indulgence! Not over-thinking it, I know exactly what I'm having, but just think-dreaming about it. I've decided to wait until Saturday though because Saturday feels like a special occasion night (and we are going out tomorrow and I don't want to waste my indulgence OUT).

Should I tell you? OK. I will. I am going to make a veggie lasagna (which will take care of Simon's lunches for the next week). Mmmm... all PCP-compliant too, except the delicious cheesiness that will be on top. So one big piece of that. On the side I am going to have a slice of garlic bread with garlic butter that I will make from the butteriest butter I can find. With this I will enjoy a glass of red wine. And afterword (because I don't think I will have enjoyed my allotted calories yet) I will have the freshest piece of whole wheat bread I can find and cover it with a thin smear of peanut butter.

Can you tell that I'm very excited for Saturday night? I will post pictures of the feast.

Day 50 - Did I say once that I liked floor jumps?

OK, I still do, but as I just said in a comment to Sara's post - HOLY SHIT, THE LEGS!

Great workout this morning. Quite amazing that 3 x 5 jumps are SO much harder than 2 x 8. Especially yesterday. There were a couple of times in the last set when the rope came over my head and I MEANT to jump but it was like my feet were cemented to the driveway. They didn't budge. I laughed (what else can I do?).

This was the first week I was happy to see my diet not change. Despite all my moaning a couple of weeks ago about "SO MUCH FOOD" I am famished for all my meals and snacks and I realize I'm not gaining a pound (or losing a pound for that matter, which is good). My body is using every bit of that food I suppose.

And, not to go on about my period again, but a very large improvement in PMS symptoms and cramps this month. Probably the best I've felt in... years and years? A couple of decades? I do think this is related to 50 days of clean living and exercise.

Happy Wednesday all. 40 more days. We're climbing out of that valley!